“I think, therefore I am.” — René Descartes

The first quote from Descartes that truly captivated me at the age of 16 years old. Being someone who doesn’t usually care about whatever quotes there are, this particular one made its way deep into my mind that I started thinking about it non-stop for a period of time.

“Here is the Meditations by Descartes, you will love it”, surrendered by my friend who first introduced me to that quote above, knowing I liked mathematics and certainty at the time. As he shoved the book to me on my 20th birthday, my eyes lit up as he continued to summarize briefly what’s in the book. He was also the first person I usually discuss philosophy with as he started reading about philosophical writings or books ever since he was 12 to 14 years old. And he too, introduced me to several more philosophical books as our friendship deepens.

Being a devoted Christian and physicist himself, we often talked about science as well as beliefs and religious teachings. Being a philosopher, he would talk about Buddhist teachings as well. Death is naturally one of the topics that we would talk about.

“Mum, I am bored of life”, said the innocent toddler me in a car driven by my mother.

“Shh, don’t say something like that, again”, exclaimed her firmly. I could sense it as if the intensity could be cut with a knife. It was enough to silence me completely even though I wanted to ask why. I brushed it off.

Little did I know this was the start of all my thinking and questioning. As life goes on, different triggers or events occur and so do depression, anxiety and more emotional engulfment.

At last, I became more of a realist, rationalist, who observes and defines. At the same time, I found a firmer belief in my own religion, thanks to Descartes.

When death is brought up, it is very natural for human beings to first think about human beings. Then, it is followed up by another living being such as animals. As such, a lot of stories revolve around the death of someone. Perhaps, there are stories about the death of pets here and there.

However, the topic of death covers every single thing that human beings have ever encountered macroscopically. What dies, can literally be anything from living beings to inanimate objects to abstracts: people, animals, plants, ideals, ideas, relationships, jobs, life phases, pieces of who we once were, or your treasured iPhone.

Losing someone dear and family to you before you reach 19 years old can be something traumatic, but all I could remember was that I was just sitting very quiet while on a bus back to my hostel. It was as if an inexplicable winter slowly settled down within me like dust slowly settled as I sat very still.

That is in stark contrast to the story of when I was still in primary school. The beloved dog that was taken care of at my granny’s place passed away and I was in deep sorrow, agony and really emotional. I still remember how my mum tried to break the news to me. You could see her hesitation on how to approach it.

It seems unbelievable how I have changed as I matured. One thing for sure is I stopped being too naive. I don’t blame reality nor the universe. I expect. I anticipate. This way, you would grieve less and look forward more. You don’t think that death is sneaky but you will learn to accept it. You stop blaming the universe for being unfair as it should be expected. This, however, is different from being prepared. It is not easy to be fully prepared in anything, let alone something so abstract like death. At least, you are not extremely scared as you learn more about reality.

As you reach that point, you will start to accept the concept of causality. Once you get all of those, you will feel calmer in facing things as you feel more prepared. It is still better than being ignorant. As such, your demeanor will change too, for the better.

Hence, there is no magic as it is just the trick of the universe. The cogs of time continue to work and your life goes on. You can choose to cling on memories instead if that soothes you, but I don’t really rely on memories because scientifically speaking memories can be false. Therefore I prefer to just move on completely after you mourn or celebrate. That way it won’t affect you too much emotionally. Let the past be the learning point to your growth.

Interestingly, once you understand how your emotions work, getting over the death of your job or relationships (very common) can be easier too as long as you stick with the fundamentals of emotions. The same goes to the death of your ideals. I used to cry when I did not get into top 1 of the cohort in primary six but hey, top 2 was still a great achievement.

“Never let your emotions cloud your judgement” — Sherlock Holmes

Yes, I am a fan of Sherlock Holmes. The way I remember the quote though, is basically “emotions cloud your judgement”. Hence, I should act otherwise. This quote really helps in situations where you feel like losing yourself. Then you retreat to collect yourself and calmly assess the situation. I would say this really helps in the loss of your relationships.

Very often I would act as a “consultant” and tell the people who consulted me to be calm, and remind them that their emotions cloud their judgement. Then I would help them to think through the scenarios as they gain back their senses to make better decisions. It is proven that emotions do affect your decision making ability.

P.S. I am not a professional, just a normal person that is very aware of what’s going on.

The loss of a relationship is typically one of the hardest ones that people find it hard to move on. It is due to the strong attachment that one feels towards the other person that he/she would just mourn seemingly endlessly. I personally encountered one that changed my focus totally that eventually helped to shape me to be a much better person now. I would say it was worth it thankfully. It always is hard to change yourself without strong external events. So, instead of mourn unnecessarily on your relationship that might not be meant for you, turn it around by learning from it instead and become a better person than you are today.

I like this quote too from Buddha, although it is just partially but it means much more.

“Life is like a river flowing. Do not hold onto things.” — Buddha

By this point, for every single loss that you have gone through, you should naturally grow more mature each time. Grow wiser each time. Grow more thankful each time for the experiences instead of blaming it. And that’s how you can lead a better life, while cherishing and respecting the memories if you chose to.

With that said, that also means you would have left behind some of the pieces that were in you to be better. You should also grow more mature each time as you leave behind each life phase as you create new upcoming life chapters in the story book of your life while the time marches on.

In the end, self-growth is much more important. Time continues ticking and waits for nobody. It is a lot better to put your effort, energy, and time into improving yourself. Mourns once, not excessively, and moves on. And that, my friend, is what one should focus on.

Wrap Up

Since I am typically an informative writer, or a writer that typically writes about guides, let me help you to recap what are the takeaways from all of the short stories above:

1. Fundamentally speaking, it is you and you only that exists until it is proven otherwise. You think, therefore you are. (other people do exist, but just love yourself more).
2. As such, watch out for yourself and your being, so that you can be aware of your states, be it emotional state or physical state.
3. You can respect, celebrate, mourn or be swallowed by emotions, but limitations are required so that you are not drained unnecessarily.
4. Remember that emotions cloud your judgement. As such, you should focus more on what is worth it for you; starving yourself over a broken relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend or using the emotions to be a famous songwriter (just an example).
5. Ultimately, life is always flowing and going on. Without knowing it, you will be in your mid twenties or fifties. Leave no regrets behind and don’t dwell in the past too much.

With that said, I can say this death topic on whatever has really taught me so much and I am still learning.

Nonetheless, for those who are going through hard times, depression, anxiety, etc. and feel like you cannot cope by yourself, please please please and please reach out to people closest to you or at least call the available helplines numbers that are based on your nearest location wherever you are. I know how they feel and it can be not easy to cope with.

I hope my readers, you, will be enlightened in one way or another based on my summarized article. If you would like more about this, I would perhaps write more in detail separately next time.

Until then, thanks for reading.